Healthy vs. Unhealthy Guilt (Part 1)
Are you guilty?
We all do the wrong thing sometimes. But many people suffer from a pathological form of guilt , often, while unconsciously avoiding feelings of healthy guilt. For too many this can mean endless self-torturure and self-punishment for some unknown crime. In these cases, a pervasive sense of neurotic guilt produces crushing symptoms of anxiety and depression– even in higher functioning patients who are able to punishment into a form of motivation.
Despite some ability to see that their guilt is unreasonable, these individuals find that their relationships are diminished and sometimes derailed by behaviors driven by projection, self-criticism, and defenses against emotional closeness. They may be bombarded by self-critical thoughts and ruminations about past failures or future catastrophes– all of which keep anxious physiological arousal high. Meanwhile, a healthy sense of guilt is often either repressed or completely split off from their conscious ego.
Before you can get help for your pathological guilt, you need to understand the basic difference between healthy and unhealthy guilt:
healthy guilt is a feeling related to other real feelings (e.g., anger) or real actions (e.g., hitting someone) that can bring great healing.
unhealthy guilt is a set of defenses that creates symptoms and prevents healing.
My experience is that many patients unwittingly come to therapy to deal with guilt related problems. They want to be free of their pathological self-punishment but can’t release themselves without addressing their true, healthy feelings of guilt. Since the source of their unprocessed guilt feelings is often completely unconscious, they remain stuck in neurotic conflict.
Confusion about this issue makes guilt one of the most problematic issues in psychotherapy. Many professionals make a grave error by encouraging their patients not to feel guilt and empathizing with their defenses. This perpetuates neurotic symptoms and prevents people from getting the healing that comes from opening up to the truth.
Psychologist Patricia Coughlin rightly notes the hazards of this tendency:
“All too often therapists encourage patients to avoid guilt, and to justify their own poor choices. This does no one any favors. Being able to have a long, hard look at the impact of our behavior on others…is essential to growth and maturity. Without this, patients become perpetual victims and remain self-absorbed. As Winnicott (1963) has reminded us, guilt is connected to concern and is a healthy, mature affect that motivates repair attempts…” (Coughlin, 2017, pp.111-112)
The reality is that experiencing healthy feelings of guilt can catalyze profound psychological changes. This is why this distinction between healthy and unhealthy guilt is so important.
An experience of healthy guilt in the presence of another can be the single greatest healer of psychological problems.
In my next post we’ll look briefly at what causes these different forms of guilt and how you can clearly identify whether you are suffering from unhealthy guilt by looking at your bodily symptoms.